As A Cryptozoologist, I Get Weird Emails
Posted by: Loren Coleman on December 17th, 2009
Okay, you must know that being a cryptozoologist opens up the gates to hell, now and then, literally, it seems, and I receive some of the darnest emails.
Take today, December 17th. This just came in, I kid you not:
“Satan Captured!” article notification:
From: Sun (tabloid)
Date: October 5, 2009
Page: 25
Original article from Weekly World News
Place: Donskoy, Russia:”Monks in a monastery on the banks of the Don River claim they have seized Satan and are struggling valiantly to hold him prisoner until reinforcements arrive….”
Request: Could you check into this story, about Satan beng captured. I only read about it and thought, that it is a job for cryptozoologists. The article says that the monks are in need of help immediately. Your help in the matter of Satan’s capture needs your or your colleagues help, quickly, please.
Thank you,
[Name deleted]
Sorry, the capture, holding, and classification of Satan is way outside the parameters of the work of serious cryptozoologists. ~ Loren
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But BISCARDI KNOWS! All we have to do is ask him, he’ll tell us he knows! THE TRUTHINESS MUST BE TOLD…
I remember that story from a Twilight Zone episode. John Carradine played the monk who captured Satan. Here is the Wikipedia synopsis.
Ah but Loren, it comes from such a well respected and reputable news source.
Good luck to the monks. It must be a hell of a day for them. I hope they don’t get too hot under the collar about the whole thing. Maybe they’ll be lucky and it’ll be nothing to get too fired up about. Anyway, I do hope the get the HELLp they need.
Oh, Ok, I’ll stop now.
I’m on my way. I’ll swing by and pick you up, Loren. DWA can come too, along with the rest of the Cryptomundo regulars (or should I say “Regulators”). Let’s go kick some satanic butt!
Cryptozoology and religion have no connections with each other. Cryptozoology is logical, unlike religion. Sorry that you have to deal with nuts like tabloid magazines. Loren, please let us know if they reply to your email.
Isaiah
Not if the story only came from Pravda….
Maybe the reporter has dyslexia and they actually caught Santa.
I will have him.
He would make a fine touch to my Xmas display…..Lets see my neighbour at number 15 top that!!!!!!!
A Merry Xmas to all
Loren…..Please keep me informed if they happen to capture a Santa.
I thought Holy Water and a crucifix was standard issue in any crypto emergency pack. To Russia with you Loren.
hey don’t let biscardi get all the satan capturing credit let his little redneck friends who sold him the dead bigfoot get in on the action…
Sorry guys, Looks like I will have to set this one out. I am already burning up the road this time of year. As much as I would enjoy this trip into the abyss, I just have too many irons in the fire. So I guess I must say goodbye Satan, hello Santa. Merry Christmas all.
Maybe they’ll put him in a refrigerator and stuff him with possum guts! Could get them a quick 50k in Biscardi bucks!
Sounds like a job for Sam and Dean of Supernatural! Ha! Too funny.
The power of CRYPTO compels you!!!
AHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHTTTTT!!!
Satan’s cornered!!!
Let’s go call the nearest exorcist!!!
Oh yes, Isaiah…
Religion CAN BE “logical.” It depends on what you mean by “illogical” and “logical.”
Just saying.
Not meaning to “start” anything here, BTW.
Great post.
At least a good time was had by all—don’tcha think, Loren???
Cryptidsrus, I agree with you. There are plenty of logical religions, I was referring to Christian fundamentalist beliefs like the above story. I have a great deal of respect for other religion…but not for Christianity.
Isaiah
Now, now…this could just be a new cryptid…a red, horned humanoid…with the pointy tail…heck it could be cousin to the wild man…maybe a hairless, sunburned genetically inferior wild man…
Then again, maybe they just need an old priest and a young priest…
Probably just otters swimming in a row…
Ahh, Russia. The land of too much vodka and too much spare time.
I bet “Satan” and the exorsist are like best buddys.He should have him on speed dial or something.