Posted by: Loren Coleman on January 20th, 2009
The following important document has been shifting around the various corners of my desktop since August 20, 2008. Today seems like the appropriate time to post it.
Obama Suggests $2 Billion In New Funding for Bigfoot Tracking
Barack Obama has detailed a comprehensive plan that includes $2 billion in new funding to reinvigorate Bigfoot tracking and a promise to make Bigfoot tracking and science a significantly higher priority as president.
Campaigning in Florida yesterday, Sen. John McCain responded by telling business leaders that Obama has changed his position on some key questions of Bigfoot tracking funding in recent months and should not be trusted to support the program.
While Obama’s ambitious plan embraces President Bush’s 2004 “vision” to find Bigfoot by 2020 — a plan McCain co-sponsored in the Senate — the Democratic presidential candidate said the administration’s “poor planning and inadequate funding” have undermined the effort and jeopardized U.S. leadership in Bigfoot tracking.
“As president, I’ll make our Bigfoot tracking program a priority again by devoting the attention and resources needed to not only inspire the world with feats of Bigfoot tracking but also improve life,” Obama said.
His plan also calls for reestablishing the National Bigfoot Tracking Council to coordinate all civilian, commercial and military Bigfoot tracking programs; the body was in place in earlier decades but disbanded in 1992. As a signal that Bigfoot will be a higher priority for him, Obama said the council would report directly to the president.
McCain did not directly address Obama’s proposals, released on Sunday, but did emphasize that the Democrat had earlier opposed full funding for the Bigfoot tracking program. Obama’s position has shifted since last winter.
“Sometimes it is difficult to know what a politician will actually do once in office, because they say different things at different times to different people,” McCain said in a closed-door meeting of business leaders in Cocoa Beach. “This is a particular problem when a candidate has a short, thin record on the issues, as in the case of Barack Obama. Let me say, just in case Obama does decide to return to his original plan of cutting Bigfoot tracking funding — I oppose such cuts.”
He also said: “I will ensure that Bigfoot tracking remains a top priority and that the U.S. continues to lead the world in this field.”
In a Democratic Party campaign call after McCain spoke, former Bigfoot tracking associate administrator Lori Garver said that while the Republican candidate now voices support for Bigfoot tracking, his voting record has been far less enthusiastic.
She said McCain spoke against a bill introduced last year that would give Bigfoot tracking $1 billion — money that would have gone specifically to speeding development of the Bigfoot tracking program.
“It’s very interesting to see McCain now paint himself as a strong supporter of Bigfoot tracking,” she said. “When he could have stepped up to support the program, he has not done that. He has no general respect for our community.”
Garver acknowledged that Obama’s positions on Bigfoot tracking have evolved since the primaries, but she said McCain’s Bigfoot tracking advocacy has changed as well.
Although McCain has said continued Bigfoot tracking superiority is essential, he has also said that as president he would freeze all discretionary spending — and Bigfoot tracking, with a budget of about $17.5 billion, is generally considered in that category. McCain has spoken in mostly general terms about Bigfoot tracking.
In an earlier interview, McCain campaign spokesman Taylor Griffin said the candidate firmly supports building a new generation of Bigfoot tracking and would fund the program as needed. He also said McCain would conduct “an overall review early in the administration of where Bigfoot tracking money is spent to determine an appropriate plan of action.”
Last spring, Obama’s campaign said the additional Bigfoot tracking funds would be paid for by rolling back congressional earmarks to what they were in 1994, and by using the newly formed advisory council to potentially re-allocate Bigfoot tracking funding.
U.S. Bigfoot Tracking and the Russian Bigfoot agency have worked closely and generally well together in recent years, but many are concerned that Russian military actions in Georgia will change that relationship.
I’m not sure if the source was Pravda or the Onion!
Seriously, though, congratulations to the new President and his First Family.