Hey, folks, look, maybe the sas IS a fourth-dimension, shape-shifting time-traveler who drops in occasionally to

(1) and of course most important, warn us against Destroying Our World and

(2) hang out with Elvis.

I mean, I’m not a scientist and I don’t eat bean curd. So what would I know?

I’d prefer to just go with William of Occam on this one: he’s a big ape, a bipedal one, and if he has extraordinary abilities, they’re so in the way a bear’s, or a deer’s, or a gorilla’s are. In other words, better suited to the wild life than ours. And nothing more. Who needs more? (You want really preternatural, whooo-WHOOOO-oooo-special-effects superpowers? Try bats.)

It’s not that “Nobody even seems to think of the idea that maybe we can’t kill Sasquatch, etc.” It’s that we did; we laughed; and we went back to hoping there’s a big ape out there, just another but really cool animal, you know? I think the gun-toters that don’t shoot are thinking one of two things: (1) I can’t shoot that, I’d never forgive myself; or (2) this is way too cool to shoot; or OK, a (3)rd thing: If I miss a vital area with my first shot, (s)he will leave me in several, un-reunitable parts.

Why do people keep having to invest this animal with Supernatural Astral Plane Pyramid Power Invincibility? Isn’t the sas cool enough just being a 1,000-pound bipedal ape, showing Omnipotent Modern Science up for the hear-no-evil-see-no-evil idiocy it frequently is just by being that?

The answer? No. He’s WAY cooler than cool enough. He’s just a big ape. That’s COOLER than cool. And maybe with all this Pyramid Power tabloid crapola that keeps getting spun about him, science will never bother to look, and we won’t disturb him ever, at all.

Kinda reassuring, actually.

Eat up, Sas baby. Enjoy Your Ohio! The next deer’s on me.

Nobody even seems to think of the idea that maybe we can’t kill Sasquatch, etc. Everyone one thinks of them as nothing more than a Great Primate that is below homo sapiens on the intelligence level because no one has found any signs of what we think is needed for civilization.

Has anybody taken into consideration the idea that maybe Sas, and relatives, could be a million years or more, older than homo sap and their intelligence took a completely different path? What if they developed completely in tune with nature and possess abilities we can’t even dream of. There are many reports of hunters meeting them but for some reason they seem to forget they are armed. What if they were being told they were unarmed? Sophisticated traps have been set for them with no luck. How easy would it be to trap something that is so in tune with its surroundings that it would know if a pebble were out of place? Or it could read the mind of the trapper and know where the trap is. Bigfoot could be as far beyond homo sapiens as we are beyond australopithecus, maybe even further.

That, steveg, probably is my bottom line on the sasquatch.

I’d love nothing better than to Know It’s There. But that requires science getting its grubby paws into the mix. And the natural world never escapes science unscathed.

What really kills me, though, is that mainstream science doesn’t believe there to be any hard evidence. I have to wonder what they’re smokin’. If a plaster cast of a cougar track is pretty good evidence that that’s a cougar, you’d think that a plaster sas cast — with features experts have declared to be from a primate unknown to science — would be a good reason to take a harder look.

Wouldn’t you…?

We have a movie of sas, ferpetesake. Footprint casts from all over, certified by print experts as being from a primate of unknown origin. Vocal recordings, getting the same seal of approval from bioacoustical experts.

And STILL science doesn’t recognize the sas.

Nope, you gotta give ‘em the whole thing. And then face justice.

Fire away!

And yes, that’s including all other considerations, especially the murder charges, but also the poaching consideration. If you kill a bigfoot, you have at the very least done that.

Hunting regs say what you CAN hunt. More accurately: they tell you, categorically, that you are FORBIDDEN TO HUNT, period. And then they lay down the exceptions. Of which there are many, as any hunter knows.

If it’s mentioned in the regs as something you can hunt, well, in season, as specified in the regs, you can. Anything else, you CANNOT. Killing an unknown, undocumented species is, therefore, prima facie illegal. Bigfoot is never in season, precisely because hunting regulations do not mention him at all.

That walking sack of money would leave your hands about the moment you unleashed the arrow. If you kill sas (and not the other way around, good luck to you), you won’t pick up a cent of that money. Which is a shame, because poaching is expensive, and the mediocre amount of money you MIGHT get, well, might have helped there.

A poacher who kills a deer takes the bounty home in secret, if he isn’t caught. That’s all he was looking for. And yeah, then there are the bear galllbladder guys who sell to other shady characters. But it’s easier to hide a gallbladder than a 1,000-pound dead ape. The walking sack of money HAS to go public for the killer to make a cent.

Sorry, poacher. Hope it ain’t murderer, bud.